Thursday, November 21, 2013

Diary: Confessions of a shopaholic.

Hello Sweethearts,

today I'm going to write about something different than I normally do. Some of you may recognise it.
The feeling you can get when you go shopping. The thoughts of how amazing that new outfit would look on you or the new nail polish colours. The need to have it in different colours or even worse, the need to buy something slightly different but actually exactly the same as you already own. The feeling of putting that new top on a hanger and hang it in your wardrobe.
All these different feelings and thought go through my head when I'm walking through the mall. Sometimes even when I'm sitting at home, I can feel the urge to shop. The way it makes me feel, it feels like I'm so fabulous, like I matter.
It sometimes even feels like I'm one of those amazingly fabulous girls on top of the world, the kind of girl everyone wants to be or be with.
It also makes me feel prepared, like "What if I don't buy this lovely dress && a cute guy asks me out? Than I have nothing to wear to the date." Which is of course ridiculous because I have more than two wardrobes filled with clothing. Some of it untouched for years.

I actually don't know when my urge to shop started. I can remember when I was younger I hated to shop, the busy stores the hours of trying stuff on and the long queue for what? a 'nice' outfit?
I also didn't like most clothing, I hate(d) jeans! Just the feel of it on my skin, juk. I was more the kind of girl in sweat pants and sweaters, just nice and comfortable. I also hated shoe shopping, it took forever to find something that fits since I have two different shoe sizes. That's why I only have one pair of shoes.

But out of nowhere I just suddenly liked spending money on clothing and shoes. I just don't know, ever since I got a little more to spend, it just grew in my passion. I traded in my Barbie for my dream wardrobe.
I can remember when I was little I just loved Barbies nd bratz. I just LOVED them, I wished to become as beautiful as one. Especially Barbie, she didn't only look gorgeous but she had a loving boyfriend && over a 100 careers. She is one of those women who have it all, smart, caring and beautiful. I think my passion for shopping came from wanting to be her.
Don't get me wrong I don't want to be super thin and all the negatives people stick to her. It just inspired me, it showed me that women can be gorgeous and smart.
That's actually all I wanted to be, really smart. Also someone people would look up to, someone who inspired them.

But enough about the little me, back to the me who loves to shop.
Today I walked passed the stores, looking in the windows. Trying not to spend money, trying to not feel that urge to spend.

I can control it though, that urge to spend and shop. Because if I really want something I can wait and save for it. If I see something I like I can walk away, if I still think about the a week later I can always come back to buy it. && if I can't choose which colour I want I can just walk away with non, because it's not logical to buy it all. It just isn't.

Yes you will feel better when buying it. && every time you use or wear it or look at it you will feel wonderful for a while. That feeling doesn't last && the feeling of having no money in your bank account is worse, that feeling can't compete with the feeling you get when you go shopping.
Okay maybe sometimes it can && at sometimes it doesn't really matter if you have more money for food because it doesn't hurt to skip a meal once in a while so you can go shopping..... Wondering though if I'm the only one crazy enough to sometimes skip a meal so I can buy something not eatable.


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