Monday, February 29, 2016

The universe

Hello Sweethearts,

today I'm going to be writing a deeper article than I would normally post.

The idea for this article started with a simple idea, the idea to create a galaxy eye make up look. But behind most of my art lays a deeper meaning. I barely like to share my feelings and thoughts that go on in me when I create the art. For some reason I just feel the need to write and share my story.

One day, when I was ten years old, I was walking through the school library. Every hour ever day we had to read a book, once a week we could pick a new one from the school library. I didn't like reading books, I didn't like reading stories to be specific. That one particularly day I stumbled upon a astronomy book, one about our solar system. Out of curiosity I picked it up and decided to give it a try. I can remember that day very clearly, I can even remember the cover of the book and some of text. It was the day that changed my life.

I read it, I understood it and I wanted more!
My dad had studied physics at the university. I never gave it much though but when I saw him I started talking about this book I was reading. About all the amazing things I read and we started a conversation. He was just as excited as I was and he knew so much!
After that moment my whole life revolved around astronomy, eating, thinking, reading just everything. I couldn't stop talking about it but no one seemed to know what I was talking about expect for my dad.

I had this rough time in school because I had a learning disabilities and the teachers thought I was dumb. And yet I could understand and remember so many details about a subject they could not even wrap their minds around. That was the moment I knew I wanted to become an astronomer and I didn't care what anyone told me.
A few years later I found that I wasn't stupid but I had just another way of learning. With a few tutor sessions I week I managed the recover from my gap of knowledge. I missed seven years of knowledge and I recovered it in one summer (like two months). Not long after that I found out that I had an above average IQ. Something my mom knew but didn't tell me about. That moment I knew I could make my dream of becoming an astronomer come true, with a lot of hard work.

The years went by and I fought long and hard but I finally managed to graduate from high school with good grades. I enrolled myself in Applied Physics, to eventually study astronomy. 
During high school I developed a strong performance anxiety, I somehow thing this already started in primary school.
My first year of studying Applied Physics was a bumpy year. I never reached the end because my anxiety took over. I had my first panic attack, which ended after 24 hours.

Looking back this wasn't my first panic attack at all.  I have had these same reactions, but smaller, all my life. I disliked my parents and sister for never noticing and calling me a spoiled brat when I was actual just expressing my anxiety.

I got diagnosed with anxiety disorder. They put a lot of heavy medicine in me and it took them a while to find the right anti-depressants. I ended up with a very high kind of anti-depressants with a very high dosses.  
The doctors and psychologist where suppose to help me through this rough time, they didn't.  

I quit Applied Physics because my anxiety was still to high and I was still to dull from the medication.

Everything in my life became pretty dark but I want to keep that part for myself. For now, I hope to some day write about it and inspire people.

My dream to become an astronomer was the strongest one I ever had. Now I'm studying media and entertainment management. And I want to make my hobby my job. So I decided to make my dream job astronomer my hobby. It still breaks my heart when I think about what could have been and it still makes me cry sometimes.
I always wanted to use my creativity and imagination to solve the riddles of the universe. Now I'm going to use my knowledge to create galaxy art. Who knows I might end up making a science fiction art movie that takes place in space. You never know what the future will bring!

Stay positive!

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